This is probably the lowest I have been in many years and I am not sure how much I can or will write in this entry.
I am bipolar. One of my anti-seizure medicines also helps keep my mood level most of the time. However, sometimes nothing works.
Most people do not understand mental disorders in general and Bipolar Disorder specifically. There are three factors that contribute to Bipolar Disorder:
- Chemical imbalance in the brain: The brain just does not produce enough of whatever it needs and no amount of treatment will change that deficiency. That is why being bipolar is a lifelong curse. I have been this way since my teen years.
- Psychological factors: By this in mean that I have a hard time expressing my emotions. Negative feelings get bottled up in my and that just makes the depression and manic phases worse.
- A trigger: Often something happens to shift the direction of my mood. If I see the event as positive, I might swing to the manic side. On the other hand, if I see the event as negative, I might swing to the depression side.
I was balancing my checking and credit accounts and found that I will be in the red by the end of the month. I say that is a negative trigger.
I just wandered onto the "The Cancer Forums" tonight for the first time and noticed how often you respond to people's posts. I just wanted to tell you that I find that very admirable and I am sure there are many many people out there that appreciate what you do. I am sorry to hear about the negative trigger you had recently. My mother and one of my sisters is Bipolar so I can understand (at least in some small way) what you are going through right now. I genuinely hope that you feel better soon and have Happy Holidays.
ReplyDeleteHang in there man...my husband and I have lived pay check to pay check our whole marriage. and we both suffer from depression. I know the toll money woes can take on your body and mind. It seems like its the end of the world but it isnt. I promise. things are tough all over...
ReplyDeleteThanks to both of you for your kind words. Money was just the kick that sent me over the edge. I looked outside today and it is still raining. I can't remember the last sunny day. Nevertheless, I am still doing better and have been out of the house at least once every day this week. Last week, it was next to impossible to even get out of bed.
ReplyDeleteNice BLog....Keep up the good work...
ReplyDeletehttp://latest-cricket-updates.blogspot.com
I have to agree with the first post, Jim; You have an obvious, remarkable capacity for kindness and support. The Cancer Forums seem like a vital tool for people who are suffering and in need of hope, support, attention and advice. I too was struck by how often you issue such vital words to people, despite how many times you've heard those words from other people. Let alone your own struggle; You are a great man, Jim, that much is clear.
ReplyDeleteThank You.
Jim, Thank you for so much! You're a good man, and I pray for more comfort in your life. I cherish your compassion for my niece "Mama 2 2". In the early days of her rough road, you were her stalwart supporter. Depression is complicated; I know first hand. But you can please rest, confidently and completely assured that, you have a gift of compassion far greater than you may know. Bill
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