11 Pipers piping refers to the eleven faithful Apostles
It has been a long time and I need to update my cancer situation. I did have an MRI on Tuesday. The doctor said that there was no change. However, this time I got a copy of the CD with my scan on it. I saw a white area where my cancer was. I do not know what it is but surely if I saw it my doctor would have seen it too. I do not think I will worry myself much about it. My doctor does not want to see me again for 8 months this time (it has been every 3-4 months). I have mixed feelings about this result. I sometimes wish that he had said that the cancer was back and that I would die in a few months.
I have a little journal given to me by my kids called "A Father's Legacy." It is not a dated journal but each page has one question. This last week the question I tried to answer was: "What is the most important lesson you have learned in your lifetime?" I really had a hard time with that question because I do not think I have learned anything of any great value… until the other day. I was having an imaginary conversation with my son, Steven. At one point, we were talking about my divorce and how I still think and feel that marrying his mother was a mistake in the first place. He replied: "But if you didn't marry her, I would never have been born."
At first, my reply was defensive. I told him that was a philosophical question (which it is). However, I realized how significant that question really is so I then told him that he was right. If I had married someone else and had a son and named him Steven, that "Steven" would not be him. I then realized the lesson that I have learned:
"Every choice we make, every decision or conclusion we make, changes our future in a very significant and irrevocable way."
So, have I really chosen to live?
Theological Lesson: The eleven faithful apostles. Actually, this reminds me that originally there were twelve. Judas made a choice that affected his life in a very profound way. I am not sure I know what I think of him. Sometimes, I identify with him. I think he is so misunderstood. I do not think he is in Hell right now; I think that Life here was his Hell. Blessed to be in the presence of the Lord, he opted to live in Hell full of pain, anger, and disappointments. I think of the other eleven not as "pipers" but as followers of the "piper"... following blindly and asking no questions... always with the "right" answers. It is harder to be the one with all the doubt and questions and confusion. In so many ways I have made the same choices that Judas did.
So, once again I ask: Have I really chosen to live in this Hell?
