Thursdays - Daydreams

Thursdays are usually days of expectation. It is not the weekend, but it is close enough that final plans are usually in the works for the weekend. Tomorrow, I will be making my “last” preparations for my upcoming surgery. I have to make sure things around the house are in order so that Dad can take care of himself. I have to make sure bills are paid, letters are sent, money is deposited, cash is on hand, gasoline tanks are full…

Thursdays are so close to the weekend… but not yet there, so they are “dream days”… days I spend daydreaming about the weekend ahead. Dreaming about what I will do, how it will be, who will be with me.

I have been in a long “Thursday” spell in my life. I have spent too much time letting the fear and anticipation of the not knowing rule my life. Anticipating what is to come, sometimes I forget to enjoy the Now. Yes, sometimes it is fun, even helpful, to daydream about “the weekend.” However, when daydreams interfere with the Now, the weekend can be a nightmare.

Wednesday is "Hump Day"

Wednesday is “hump day”… half way between the first of the week and the weekend. My hump day came sometime right before I divorced C. I came to a peaceful conclusion that I needed to leave or go crazy. We had grown so far apart. I had become more liberal and C more conservative in the years of our marriage. I still love and admire C tremendously. However, I know now that we just had come to a point where our lives would be better if we were separated.

Shortly after my divorce, I married J. For 18 months, our life was wonderful. We had problems… significant problems. I did not live near my children and she did not live near her daughter. We did have fights, but we worked through most of them. Everything seemed to be heading to a beautiful weekend.

Tuesdays are productive days

Tuesdays are productive days. After getting awakened on Mondays, I find that I am usually very active and creative on Tuesday.

On THAT Tuesday, I had an appointment with a neurologist who promptly told me I could not go back to work. She also scheduled an appointment for me to go to a neurosurgeon for the following week. On that Tuesday, I took care of paperwork and finances. I wrote my Living Will. I went to work and filled out the sickness leave of absence forms. I was running on adrenaline. My mind was racing: What did I need to do prior to surgery? How was I going to pay for it all since I could not work?

It was also a day to notify people. I made two email lists: One of family members, the other of friends. I mailed a notice to each list telling them what was happening to me. I made sure my bills had been paid or at least where already scheduled automatically to me paid. I started a list of things I wanted my health care surrogate to know and to do.

Tuesday was a productive day.

I Hate Mondays

I hate Mondays! After a weekend off from work, I just don’t want to get up and go to work. Especially that Monday. I awoke having one of my spells. That in and of itself was unusual. However what as worse was that I did not have just one. I had multiple spells. They came in about 15 minute intervals. They were the same as always… loss of ability to speak. I took my morning medication but continued to have spells. At the time, dad was in a nursing home recovering from his own problems, so I was alone. Later in the day, with no end of spells, I took additional medication. At least I did not have any more spells while I was asleep. So I slept through the night. But the next morning, the spells continued. By then, I knew I had to go to the ER.

I hate Mondays!