2013 CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS - DAY ONE

OK, this is the first of a new "story". I don't know how interesting it will be since I do not expect some young man will come asking to help only to run away with my money. Nevertheless, where the leaves are really not my favorite task, preparing for the holiday season (Halloween-New Years) is.

My pre-pre-Christmas decorating phase begins around Halloween. This year was not an exception... I only paused to do rake the leaves. This ante-penultimate phase consists mainly in getting the decorations down, making sure the lights still work, fix things that need fixing, and deciding what to use, what to through away, and what to keep because I think I might use them sometime. 

This phase also includes making decorations. Actually, this part began Jan 1, 2013 with picture taking. Making sure I have a good picture of each grandchild to use in the photo-decoration is a yearlong task. In June, I also got my grandkids to make a tree decoration. I REALLY love these!! They are my most treasure decorations and better than any Christmas present.

The Tenth Day of Christmas

10 Lords A-leading refers to the Ten Commandments

I do not remember much about January 3. It probably was just another average Thursday… boring, as usual. It is normal for Thursday's not to be very special days. I usually do not have anywhere special to go or anything special to do on Thursdays. Wednesday, are almost always busy days. On the second Wednesday of every month, I have to make sure all of my monthly bills are paid. Every Wednesday is clean up day for me. I clean the house and do other chores. I often go to church Wednesday night. However, on Thursdays I have much less to do.

Ten Commandments: The Ten Commandments do not tend to be of great concern to me. I have accepted the fact that everyone has broken at least some of them. Plus, Christ placed much sticker requirements on us than the Ten Commandments.
Of course, one of the hot issues for the religious right is the placing of the Ten Commandments in public buildings. I know all of their arguments; I just do not agree with them.
I am not saying that the Ten Commandments are simply the Ten Suggestions, but that other things are more important… like mercy, justice, kindness, acceptance, and ultimately Love. If we love God with all of our heart and love others as we love ourselves, the Ten Commandments become superfluous.

The Ninth Day of Christmas

9 Ladies Dancing stand for the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit

 Wednesday after Christmas (January 2), Wednesday, was a great day! I felt good, got up early, worked on the forum, had a big breakfast and lunch. I felt very good so I did a lot… including meditation. It was also the first day that I started to exchange emails with Luciana in Rio. I met her on the Cancer Forum. Her grandmother is sick with Breast Cancer. Your emails are in Portuguese giving me an opportunity to practice writing in my "native" language.


The nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit are:

1. Love: This is the greatest of all gifts; As Paul said, "the greatest of these is Love."
2. Joy: Not just happiness, Joy has an element of satisfaction with life. Unfortunately, my depression blocks most experiences of Joy.
3. Peace: I wish I could experience Peace in my soul and mind. My soul and mind are troubled.
4. Longsuffering: Patience is also a thing that is hard to learn. We learn patience by going through suffering and who likes that?
5. Kindness: This is my greatest gift. I have a nature empathic nature… at least I try. I think most members on the Cancer Forum would agree.
6. Goodness: Hah. Goodness is not my strongest gift. But sometimes I think of goodness as doing what is right. I think every person has made bad choices. I certainly have.
7. Faithfulness: I think of this a loyalty. I try to be loyal to others but sometimes I fall short. I have disappointed so many people. But faithfulness also means personal integrity.
8. Gentleness: I think I can be very gentle. But sometimes I think gentleness is just swallowing my negative feelings. Maybe true gentleness needs assertiveness.
9. Self-control: It might sound like a contradiction, but sometimes I do loss my self-control. I eat the wrong foods; I speak when I probably should shut up; and I can have a temper.

The Eight Day Of Christmas

8 Maids A-Milking stands for the eight beatitudes

New Years Day came and went so fast that I hardly remember anything but football. New Years Day has always been a slow, relaxing day in my life. Nothing very special; no significant memories associated with it. About the only tradition related to it I got from my ex in-laws: the required eating of black-eyed pees. Supposedly, eating black-eyed pees on New Years Day is required in order to make money during that year. It has not worked so far but I keep trying.

The Eight Beatitudes

• Blessed are the poor in Spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven
• Blessed are the meek for they shall posses the land
• Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforter
• Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice for they shall be fed
• Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy
• Blessed are the clean of heart for the shall see God
• Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God
• Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice' sake for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

Several of these jump out at me. The main one is "Blessed are they who mourn." I do not think most people appreciate the value of truly mourning. Cultures that encourage their members to be stoic and to swallow their feelings tend to not be as healthy emotionally as cultures where emotions are openly displayed.
It is hard for me to express negative feelings. I truly believe that is the major cause of my depression. I do not even write my deepest, darkest feelings here… if you can believe that. It would really be a blessing to be able to open up to someone. That is why I like therapy so much, I can open up to my therapist even when I cannot or will not open up to others.

 

The Seventh Day of Christmas

7 Swans A- Swimming starts for the 7 Gifts of the Holy Spirit

I finally got out of bed and did a few things around the house. Well, just a little. I did spend some time watching TV but in the living-room this time. I also went outside for the first time in almost a week and walked a while, washed the dishes, did some laundry, and got the mail (bills and junk mail… grrrr).
Gifts of the Spirit: (the underlined portions come from http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/faith/holygift.htm ... I assume this is a Roman Catholic site. I have edited it only to remove the sexist language).

1. Wisdom: A deep desire for the things of God, and to direct our whole life and all our actions to God's honor and glory. I have the desire but not the strength to carry this through. My life only tangentially honors God in any way… at least not I the traditional Christian understanding. I do think that I try to relate to others in a way that honors God. While not overtly God-directed, in my own mind, my work on the Cancer Forum is bringing honor and glory to God.
2. Understanding: Enable us to know more clearly the mysteries of faith. Faith is indeed a mystery. Most people really confuse mystery with a sense of knowledge (head knowledge). I do not believe this is a correct understanding of faith.
3. Counsel: warn us of the deceits of the devil, and of the dangers to salvation. Well, I totally disagree with the literal understanding of this definition. I am not really sure there is a devil… although I am very sure about the reality of Evil. But most people confuse Evil with violation of the commandments or some other standards of measuring behavior. As a counselor, the Holy Spirit helps us understand what is right for our lives. What is right for me may be wrong for you. Unfortunately, it is not easy to know what is right for one's life.
4. Fortitude: Strengthen us to do the will of God in all things. Certainly, I have not received the strength to do what I think I should. This may mean that I do not really know what the will of God is in my life.
5. Knowledge: enable us to discover the will of God in all things. Maybe this is the primary gift that I am personally missing the most. This gift is also misunderstood be many. God does not have a concrete plan for all of us to follow. Nor does God define for us an individual plan for our lives. What God tries to do is to help each of us to find our own plan. I wish I had a clue.
6. Piety: Love God as a Parent and obey God because we love God. My own personal sense is that I have so much internalized and unexpressed anger at God and fear of God that it is hard for me to express true piety. I am only superficially pious.
7. Fear of the Lord: Have a dread of sin and fear of offending God. I totally disagree with this understanding of what the Fear of the Lord is. It is not dread nor is it to be afraid of God. Fear of the Lord is more in line with reverence and respect. It is recognizing the awesomeness of the Lord and honoring God with our lives.

The Sixth Day of Christmas

6 Geese A-laying refers to the six days of creation

Sunday was another day in bed. My excuse was the US Football games on that day. But truthfully, I was still depressed and did not want to get out of bed. Retelling the same old story gets tiring so I can imagine how tiring it is for any reader who happens to check my blog. Unfortunately, when I get depressed, it is like a dark winter day… just one long night. Even praying becomes impossible. I cannot feel anything… no anger, no sadness, no love… just a profound loneliness. I know that my isolation is self-imposed. I just cannot seem to shack it off and do what I know I should do in order to cope with my depression.

The Six Geese a-laying is should remind me of the six days it took God to create the universe. However, I get hung up on the "laying" part because that is all I did. I wish I had thought about and enjoyed God's creation. I wish I had enjoyed others that day. But I did not. I did write an entry to my blog… for the second day of Christmas. I did do some work on the forum so I guess I was already getting a little better. Nevertheless, it took one more day before I got out of bed.

The Fifth Day of Christmas

5 Golden Rings – 5 books of the Pentateuch

Although 5 Golden Rings sound nice, the fifth day of Christmas (Saturday December 29) was not a good day. The house was so quiet and lonely. A great depression started and lasted for the next four days. For two of them, I did not get out of bed and just watched TV when I was not sleeping. I did not even want to go on to the CancerForums.net site to do some administrative work. I found myself annoyed by some of the new members and their questions… questions that I had answered hundreds of times before… or at least it felt that way. So, I just stayed away.
My financial problems also concerned me. How am I going to pay off my credit card dept? I will not mention here how much I really owe but it is a lot. I am slowly paying it off, but I fear that I will die and not leave any "Gold Rings" for my children. I remember the story of King Midos who touched things and they turned to gold. It seems that everything I touch turns to crap. I know that is not true but sometimes I feel that way.
Theological Message: The 5 books of the Pentateuch (first five books of the Jewish and Christian Scriptures) are books that show the beginning of several important things that still are issues today. Even though I do not believe them to be literally true accounts, they are still significant messages for us to listen to. Just to list a few:

1. How God created everything we know (even ourselves) from nothing.
2. How God loves and blesses God's children
3. How God's children often turn away from God
4. How God is merciful and brings his children back
5. How God has given guidance to his children over the years as an expression of God's mercy

The Forth Day of Christmas

4 Calling bird represent the Four Gospels

December 28 was a great day! All the family was still here so we had fun. It was a day full of joy. For lunch, we went the Dad's favorite restaurant and where we go a lot. Catfish Campus has become a tradition for our family. We also took our traditional siblings picture. Unfortunately, I do not have a copy of that picture yet because I did not take my camera. I know that a lot of you do not think of catfish as a Christmas food. It probably is not for most families. But after years of family reunions at Catfish Campus, it is traditional as Boiled Custard is in my family.

Theological Message: Today, we remember the four Gospels. Some people try to harmonize the four. I do not. I see each as separate. They come from different congregations in the early church. I once had a professor who told us that the four Gospels were like four churches on the same corner. Each church had its own preferences and history and needs. I cannot remember the denominations he associated with each, but his point was that each speaks to a distinct situation and should be considered on their own merits. Comparing them is only useful in recognizing the different messages of each.

1. Mark (arguably the earliest one) is the shortest of the four. It is also the darkest… especially if you do not accept the last chapter as originally part of the Gospel… no resurrection story. It leaves Jesus in the grave.
2. Matthew is focused on Jesus as the fulfillment of the Old Testament hopes and promises of the Messiah and the nature of the Kingdom of God. It is clearly written to a Jewish audience.
3. Luke is the story teller of the four. Luke tries to give a historical context to the life of Jesus. It is written to a Roman, none Jewish audience but who are really interested in facts and need facts to support their belief in Jesus as the Christ.
4. John is the theologian of the four. John is trying to understand the nature of the Christ and Salvation.

Bottom line, take each Gospel on its own and do not sweet the differences.

The Third Day of Christmas

3 French Hens refers to Faith, Hope and Love, the Theological Virtues

What I intended to be a twelve day project is turning into a twelve week project. That is alright with me. I enjoy Christmas so much that I do not mind spending 3 months reflecting on its meaning in my life.
Thursday, most of my family arrived. The only member who was absent was Lauren; she could not take time off from work. Nevertheless, Thursday was Christmas for me and the rest of us. They started arriving shortly after lunch. Connie and Steven, Elizabeth and Earl and JP drove here from Western Tennessee. Thursday afternoon, we opened our presents. We had a big laugh because Elizabeth gave me a key chain digital picture frame and I gave her the same thing. What was really funny was that both of us told Connie about our gifts so she already knew we were exchanging the same thing.
Thursday night we went to Franklin to my brother's daughter's house for our meal. Our time together there was very nice and full of laughter. We repeated of tradition of "dirty Santa" gift exchanges. I ended up with a very appropriate gift: a Starbucks Coffee set. The coffee is actually very good. I generally do not like coffee here in the US. Most of the time, it is just coffee tea.
I should mention something about my use of the Twelve Days of Christmas and the theological interpretation I give to each. They are not my own. There is some disagreement about the origin of these associations (i.e., that 3 French Hens refers to Faith, Hope and Love). I do not really believe that these associations have anything to do with the origin of the song. However, I use them because they do remind me of important elements of my beliefs. The Theological Virtues of Faith, Hope and Love are so central to my life that it is hard to imagine living in the absence of them. To be sure, I have struggled with each of these virtues. My Faith is in constant flux. My Hope is easily shaken by life events. My Love is often illusive, fleeing from my presence. However, as with French Hens that do not fly very far, the three Virtues are never very fly too far from me.

The Second Day of Christmas

2 New Testament and Old Testament

December 26 was a very busy day. I stayed up most of the night getting finished with the house work. I finished my gift shopping and rapping. I did not have time to feel depressed. I also took time to work a while on the CancerForms.net . It is amazing how much time that takes! I know I have said this before, but I really wish I could find someone who would pay me to do what I do.
Two Turtle Doves: That reminds me again of my ex-father-in-law. We would go hunting for doves or at least he would hunt. I would just walk with him.

On The First Day of Christmas

1 True Love refers to God.

Christmas Night was a lonely night but a busy night. I was getting ready for my family to come on the 27^th. I still had so much cleaning to do. I did not think I could ever get it all done. I am a perfectionist and felt hopelessly behind. Why did I not start earlier? I get so frustrated that often I just give up. However, I could not give up because regardless, my family would be here in less than 48 hours!
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Partridge (or pheasant or quail) with Pears
~ 2 - 2 to 3 lb. pheasants, halved or quartered
~ 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
~ 1/4 tsp salt
~ 1/4 tsp pepper
~ 1/4 cup butter or margarine
~ 3/4 cup dry white wine
~ 3/4 cup light cream
~ 3 egg yolks, beaten
~ 3 tbsp butter or margarine
~ 2 pears, cored and cut into wedges
~ 1 tsp sugar
Combine flour, salt and pepper in a plastic bag. Add pheasant pieces one at a time; shake to coat.

In a skillet, heat 1/4 cup butter. Brown pheasant pieces on all sides.

Add the wine. Cover and simmer 45-55 minutes or until tender.

Remove to a platter and keep warm.

Sauce

Combine the cream and egg yolks.

Slowly stir into pan drippings and cook over medium heat until just thickened stirring constantly. Do Not Boil.

Sautéed Pears

In a skillet, melt 3 tbsp butter. Add the pear wedges.

Sprinkle with sugar. Cook, turning often, until lightly browned.


Pass the sauce with the pheasant. Sprinkle with paprika if desired.

Serve with the pears.
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I have not tried this recipe but it sounds very good.